Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
