there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
