shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
