office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
