I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
