I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
