You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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