My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
