and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
