I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
