In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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