Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
