You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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