You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
