so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You need a sexual gate keeper
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
