Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
