I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize