your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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