I puked a lego.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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