I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
