You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
