Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
