Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
