I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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