i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have aggressive nipples.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize