We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
