FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
