I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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