Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My feet surprised me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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