If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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