Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
