All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
did you just send me my own nude
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
