Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize