Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
