shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
