dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
