I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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