so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
