I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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