Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
