i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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