I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
NoShamevember. You game?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
