one might say we're banned from that church
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
