What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
