he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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