...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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