five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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