you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
