Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
