Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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