god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
