That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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