I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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