just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize