My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
