did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
