She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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