you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
