The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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