I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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