She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
