Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
