I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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