I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
