**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
