I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
