tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
