I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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