You took a bar mat shot.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
