Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My dick has a subreddit
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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