Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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