Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
