i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
