I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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