..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
