oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
