I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
