I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my shit smells like andre
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
