remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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