Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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