I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
