After last night, I could never be a politician.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
