i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
