I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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