ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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