I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
