Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
