Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
