OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
