I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
