I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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