I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my poor anus
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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