Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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