I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize