I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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