I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
