i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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