so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
