20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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