Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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