I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
