I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
