I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
