I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
