Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
