two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
