I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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