saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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