he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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