I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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