I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
