ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize